The Branch's Song

Because I've failed You once again, I think, "I won't succeed."

But then I look into Your face and see You're all I need.

When did I start believing I can do this on my own?

I'm just a branch, and severed from the vine, I'll die alone.

The things of earth can't satisfy the need I feel for You,

And yet I'm lying to myself, repeating "They will do."

Please tear this callous from my heart and leave me raw and sore,

That when I hear You knocking, I'll come running to the door.

Because I'm Happy

Hi everyone! Beautiful Becca (who is beautiful) tagged me to do this happiness tag. Which makes me, well, happy, because I just resolved last night to endeavor to be more thankful. Grumbling is a big part of our culture here in the US ... which is dumb, because we're so crazy well off. I mean, we don't have to worry (too much) about getting cholera when we drink water, or about where our next meal is coming from! God has given me so much, and I don't thank Him nearly enough for all the ways He has blessed me. So I'm glad to stop for a minute and write out some things that make me happy.

books: The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Graham. It follows the adventures of Mole, Mr. Badger, Mr. Toad, and the Water Rat, four very-well drawn, distinct, and lovable characters. It's an adoring story about loyalty to friends and being close to nature. Other books: I always enjoy the Anne of Green Gables series, The Chronicles of Narnia, Winnie the Pooh and The House at Pooh Corner (you need to read the Winnie the Pooh books again, regardless of how old you are. They're best when read aloud O.O).

words: Captain, sweethearts, lighthouse, music. Aria. Foliage. Peppermint. Newfoundland. Pleated.

movies and tv: The old animated Disney movies Robin Hood, Peter Pan, 101 Dalmations, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Pocahontas. Yes, I'm a Disney nut (Disneyland was FUN guys, and I was 20 when I went!). Also, Mary Poppins, Sense and Sensibility, The Sound of Music, and Chariots of Fire. -- Oh, and TV? Sherlock and Star Trek TNG.

scents: HA it's funny cause I can't smell. Or at any rate my sense of smell is severely impaired. Still, I like the smell of meat, potatoes, that tree in our backyard when it blooms (one of the few things in nature I CAN smell), summer, dirt, Sophie (my dog), the Whitlock's homestead in general and their cow barn in particular, my Grandma's house, roses, and vanilla ice cream.

songs: "Somewhere Beyond the Sea," this one still and always, "Stay Alive" from the film The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, and "Alaska" from Owl City's Sky Sailing.

miscellany: rain, sunny days, bike rides, watching my sisters do their dance routine to "Rollin' on the River," dresses, high-heels, and chocolate cubes.

Right. I tag Sarabi, Lady Gargoyle who won't do it, Embers because she's awesome and I haven't heard for a while, and anyone else who wants to do this. Cheers!

The Beginning

I crossed off a day on my calendar and thought, "That's one day closer to Christ's return." Imagine that day circled in red on the calendar of God, a fixed day in the future, not receding before us but growing steadily nearer. Each day in this life is a page: with every rotation of the Earth, a page turns, and the wedge of pages left in the book grows slimmer. One day, there will be no pages left in the book, no days left on the calendar. We will reach those two words a certain number of lines down from the top of the final page, The End. The best part is, it won't be the end, but the Beginning.

Excuses

I often turn a blind eye to my sin

And pride myself on being genuine.

I smile and say, "To thine own self be true"

To justify each selfish thing I do.

"Just be yourself," that oft-repeated creed,

Is only an excuse to act with greed.

But rather than myself, I'd have you see

The image of the One who lives in me.

Lord, open up my eyes to all I do

That I may be not true to me, but You.

A Toast to Cori in Honor of her Birthday

*taps spoon against glass*

It's crazy to think that only a year ago I was just getting to know Cori. Since then, she has become one of my favorite people on earth. I am fully four years older than her, yet she has taught me so much. She shows me that being strong is not being unfeminine. She taught me that feelings come and go, but truth prevails. I learned from her the importance of knowing what you believe and why you believe it. She is moral but not legalistic, blunt but empathetic, opinionated yet discreet. She's generous, snarky, literate, funny, hard-working and - this is the best part - honest.

When Cori sees something that interests her, she doesn't just say "That's cool"; she learns how to do it. She is possibly the best dancer I know. Her artwork is absolutely amazing. She blacksmiths, people: really well, too. Then there's beekeeping, candy making, gingerbread architecture, choir, guitar, poetry (rhymed poetry!) and many other things I'm sure I'm forgetting. And I know the list will only continue to get longer.

Right now, however, Cori faces some rather more commonplace activities than bee keeping or dancing the Charleston. She's lined up for some college classes, which of course won't be as fun as forging marshmallow roasters. But however ordinary her classes may be, Cori will always be anything but ordinary. Here's to Cori, an amazing individual and a wonderful friend.

It was worth it.

I climbed out of bed and pulled on my shoes,

Then stepped out into the cold.

Cool, clean moonlight glowed on the snow,

And the night sky appeared not dark,

But richly blue.

I looked at the stars and wished you could see this, too.

But as you could not,

I assure you, it was beautiful.

Living Beyond the Moment

Good news, everyone: I have been convicted of something that I have been doing wrong. I am really very grateful for this, and though it is troubling to see something within myself that I am ashamed of, I am so glad to be able to begin to see it clearly. 

Here it is: I live to make myself, and those I love, feel happy. 

In some ways this is not such a very bad thing. I love to encourage people and to cheer them up when times are hard. But too often I resort to distracting them from their troubles rather than trying to help them work through the problem at hand. I do this to myself, too. Rather than dealing with things that need to be addressed, I distract myself with friends, music, books, movies, writing, Youtube, candy, cooking. I live to feel good, and often I desire little more for my friends than for them to feel good, too.

Which is so shallow and short-sighted. Of course what I should be living for is seeing God's will done in my life. The problem is, God's will for my life does not always make me happy. My sinful, selfish flesh resents everything God wants for me. Too often I let the desires of my short-sighted flesh overrule my wish to do what is right. I need to take the reigns away from my emotions and give them to God instead. Because obviously I am not strong enough to resist temptation on my own. I've been trying to do that for years, and it just doesn't work.