Once upon a time, I used to be able to write without emoticons. 

Come to think of it, I suppose I still can. In the stories I write, my sentences aren't dotted with smiley faces, frowney faces, tongue-sticking-out faces, and so on. Don't believe me? I call to witness the chapter of The Princess and The Blacksmith that I posted on this blog a while back! No emoticons in that! Gosh, I really need to write the next chapter :P ... 

AHA. YOU SEE. AN EMOTICON. OBSERVE HOW EASILY IT SLIPS IN. Oh yeah, this, THIS is where the emoticons insert themselves: when I'm just TALKING. Say in letters, or emails, a blogpost, or on Google chat or whatever. I always use emoticons.

I know why I do it. The person I'm talking or writing to can't see me or hear me, and I can't show them through facial expressions or the tone of my voice how I am feeling. So I resort to emoticons. I guess you could say this is a good excuse, but really it's just laziness. "A picture is worth a thousand words," you know, and it's just faster to say, "Cool! :D" instead of "That sounds amazing! I'm happy for you." 

The problem is, if you use emoticons, they can be misinterpreted. For instance, I've heard of multiple uses for the :P emoticon. Is it a foot-in-mouth emoticon, or a tongue-sticking-out emoticon, or what? And either way, what emotion does it convey? And I'm sure there are several meanings associated with other emoticons, too. So, to avoid being misconstrued, I'm going to write out several of the most common emoticons I use, and what I mean by them. I'll start with the smiley faces ... because yes, there are more than one. 

:D
The waitress smile. It's big and bright, but it also denotes a little restraint, a little formality. Friendly, yes, but professional.

XD
The BIG smile. Picture me grinning so hard that my eyes squeeze shut. I use this when I think something is funny, or when I'm really happy. When I use several D's after the X, that means I'm really REALLY happy. As in, "AAAAIIIIIEEEEE I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU TOMORROW XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD." That sort of thing.

:)
This smile has a couple different uses (how's THAT for confusing). Sometimes I use it in place of the waitress smile when I don't want to come off as TOO perky or friendly. I mean, don't want to SCARE people *nervous laugh.* At other times, it functions as a "feelin' it" smile: it's quiet, genuine, empathetic.

8D
The annoying smile. My eyes are big, and my mouth is wide open. I use this when I'm teasing someone, or when I'm over-dramatising something in an attempt to be funny.

... so much for the smiles. Onto the miscellaneous expressions.

T.T
The "seriously?" face. Used more often for comedic effect rather than to convey real chagrin. This is the sort of face you'd get if you told me, "I don't like Owl City." What even, bruh. What is wrong with you.

o.O
The alarmed, disconcerted, or incredulous face. Used in "Y-y-you ate RAW SQUID?" situations.

O.O
The shocked face. I may be shocked in a good way, such as "YOU SAW TOM HIDDLESTON AT THE SUPERMARKET?!?" Or I may be shocked in a bad way. "TOM HIDDLESTON ISN'T GOING TO PLAY LOKI IN THE NEXT MARVEL MOVIE?!?" All depends on the context.

:P
Hm. I should really use the :T face instead of the :P face for the connotations that I associate with this emoticon. Instead of looking at it as someone sticking their tongue out ... which I think this face teeeecchnically indicates? ... I kinda visualize someone twisting their mouth to the side in an apprehensive or apologetic sort of way. It's sort of a "whoops" face, or an "oh, no" face. So, yeah: sometimes it's apologetic, sometimes it's apprehensive. But I don't stick my tongue out when I'm apologetic or apprehensive. WHO SAID THESE HAD TO BE LOGICAL?

XP
This one indicates extreme disgust. As in "Go camping for five days with no access to a shower? Hahahaha no."

... and then, of course, there's the sad faces, :(, :'(, etc. I don't particularly like the sad faces. They're not ... SAD enough. So I rarely use them. More often I just say something like *weeps*, *cries*, *sobs grotesquely*. Yeah. I really don't like the sad faces.

So, there you have it. My extensive, but by no means exhaustive, emoticon chart. How about you? What emoticons do you use, and what do you mean by them? Do you use any of the same emoticons I do but mean something completely different by them? I wouldn't want to misconstrue your emoticons! :P XD. Post your answer in the comment box below.

XD