I Killed A Spider

So I Googled images of sadness and this is one of the first ones that popped up and I think it also implies remorse as well, remorse and sadness, and that's how I feel so yes that seems like a good way to start this post guys I killed a spider. 

Here is my rule about killing spiders: if they are in the house, kill them. I think of it as a good excercize for my flabby Courage Muscle, and moreover I don't want our house to be overrun by spiders. They bite, or so I've heard. Here is my other rule about killing spiders: if they are outside, leave them alone. They make pretty webs, and they kill mosquitos and flies and things. In short I respect spiders, I admire them, I fear them, and unless they are in the house I will let them live a long productive bug-catching life.

Except this one. He's on the smallish side of tiny and he's one of those spiders that will be holding perfectly still one second and then suddenly will be an inch to the right the next. You know, the teleporting kind. They give me the creeps. And he's sitting staring at me. While I'm trying to study. I manage to kind of steer him away to the far end of the table and continue studying. Sitting in the chair with my knees up, with my book on my knees. I happen to glance to the side and THE SPIDER IS ON MY KNEE STARING AT ME. I'm like "WOULD! YOU! GET! OFF!" and I swat him to the ground, where he sits, none the worse for his fall, staring at me. I stare at him, struggling with my other rule about killing spiders: if they are outside, leave them alone. True, I had not assumed there would ever be a spider in Oregon that would not leave ME alone. But still, it's not like this guy is actually going to HURT me, right? I know what I have to do. I pick up my text book, hold it over the spider, and drop it on him. Remarkably, it kills him.

I lift up my book and stare at the remains of Spider. I am shocked and apalled by what I have done. I still am. My sudden hatred, violent enough to end a small life. The world has one less life than it did before. Actually several more lives probably began at the exact moment of his death. Not to mention several other lives probably ended at that exact same moment, too. I wonder, is there like a constantly moving clicker keeping track of lives going in and out of existence? Like, how many things are alive right now? Not counting plants, though. Just in kingdom Animalia. Which includes humans. I know it offends some Christians when I inform them they are mammals, they're like "WE DID NOT EVOLVE FROM MONKEYS," and I'm like "Yesssss but we ARE primates and also mammals and also ANIMALS." I mean out of the three categories of animal, vegetable, and mineral, which one are WE in? OBVIOUSLY animal. I killed an animal, guys. An animal that had, in all probability, no intent to harm me ... well, actually, I doubt that part. But anyway I feel bad about it. 

I had written this far when a friend asked "Why are you writing this? What is your point? You are SUCH a girl." What IS my point? I don't know. I just feel like I had to get this off my chest. So, yeah, I killed a spider today. And I feel bad about it. Thanks for reading.